Oh God, I'm frightened of my self. I'm afraid of self-confidence. There is nothing good in me, nothing that can be trusted. My flesh betrays me at every turn, whether it be lust, laziness, or ever-present pride. Lord, help me to cling to You. Remove the confidence I'm tempted to have in myself and place it firmly on You where it belongs. Empty me. Humble me. There is nothing besides You. Nothing can compare to Your glory and grace. "Fear thou not, for I am..." I AM. He is, and that would be enough. But there's more. "...I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Forgive my pretentious nature that wants to draw attention to myself to show off how "spiritual" I am and gain the approval of others. Make me as nondescript as a simple arrow -- nothing more than a pointer toward You. Make me disappear in the shadow of Christ's glory. My wicked heart yearns for human acknowledgement and approval. Purge my selfish motives; make them purely and completely about You and Your glory. I'm scared to death of the Bible study I'm to lead; help me not to draw attention to me, but rather to constantly point toward You.
My life has been ever so much Martha and ever so lacking in Mary lately. I don't think I've taken on too much; in every new responsibility I have sensed God's leading and prodding me. Now comes the hard part: surrendering myself to allow Him to use me. I simply cannot do all these things on my own. Lord, give me grace and enable me to diligently fulfill Your purposes.
But oh, in all this I have neglected my Mary heart. Communion, meditation, and worship have suffered to the point of starvation lately, and that invites temptation and weakens my resistance to sin. Break me, Lord. Humble me. Empty me of self. Make me a fit vessel for use in Your service. Cause me to yearn for communion with You. Restore my hunger for Your Word and knowledge of You. My heart is dry and barren; wash me anew with Your Spirit. Teach me to love You until my heart breaks with the joy of it. I am nothing. You are All. Help me to live in such a way that demonstrates I actually believe that.
I woke this morning from such an awful dream and sobbed into my pillow. I was inadequate in every area I approached, and the frustration and sorrow were overwhelming. So I began the day feeling inadequate, frustrated, and brokenhearted. Did I turn to my Lord for support? No, I wallowed, and revelled in the wallowing. There is something almost comforting, even gratifying, in self-pity. It's a form of pride, the "I deserve to be unhappy" complex. It's selfish. It's sinful. Focus on God, oh my soul, for in Him there is no want, no lack of mercy or comfort. He is all you need. All. ALL. ALL.
But oh, in all this I have neglected my Mary heart. Communion, meditation, and worship have suffered to the point of starvation lately, and that invites temptation and weakens my resistance to sin. Break me, Lord. Humble me. Empty me of self. Make me a fit vessel for use in Your service. Cause me to yearn for communion with You. Restore my hunger for Your Word and knowledge of You. My heart is dry and barren; wash me anew with Your Spirit. Teach me to love You until my heart breaks with the joy of it. I am nothing. You are All. Help me to live in such a way that demonstrates I actually believe that.
I woke this morning from such an awful dream and sobbed into my pillow. I was inadequate in every area I approached, and the frustration and sorrow were overwhelming. So I began the day feeling inadequate, frustrated, and brokenhearted. Did I turn to my Lord for support? No, I wallowed, and revelled in the wallowing. There is something almost comforting, even gratifying, in self-pity. It's a form of pride, the "I deserve to be unhappy" complex. It's selfish. It's sinful. Focus on God, oh my soul, for in Him there is no want, no lack of mercy or comfort. He is all you need. All. ALL. ALL.
Today, later in the afternoon, the Lord just seemed to impress me with the magnitude of His sacrifice for my sake. In that moment, disobedience and unfaithfulness were so abhorrent to me! I couldn't bear the thought of dishonoring my Savior by doing anything but my best to serve Him. Lord, please keep this idea firmly planted in the forefront of my thoughts. I hate how I constantly fail in diligence and faithfulness. Wake me in the morning with a sincere desire to honor You with my whole self in everything I do. Enable me to get up on time and to work on time. Give me joy in the opportunity each day to serve You more.
"Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." ~Psalm 119:27-32
Some of these verses have been just so meaningful to me as I've learned them. I love 10 & 11 -- they kind of define why I'm learning this psalm in the first place. And 18 -- I am continually finding something new and wonderful in God's law.
But 32 has been the best so far. (That almost sounds blasphemous! :) One verse being "better" than another.) It just so perfectly expresses what the Lord has been doing in my heart over the last months. "I run in the path of your commands..." Not "walk" or "follow," but RUN -- eagerly, headlong, joyfully pursuing God's Word and His will. "...for you have set my heart free." So much joy wrapped in one phrase! You set my heart free. It certainly wasn't my doing. My sinful heart wants to remain in bondage to sin. But Your Spirit reached down and gave me the capacity to desire freedom from sin. And my heart is free! Free from the dominion of evil, and free to pursue You with reckless abandon. What a marvelous truth! Such a glorious gift! How can I be anything but humbly grateful for the fact that You chose to set me free?! I will ever RUN after your commands!
"Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." ~Psalm 119:27-32
Some of these verses have been just so meaningful to me as I've learned them. I love 10 & 11 -- they kind of define why I'm learning this psalm in the first place. And 18 -- I am continually finding something new and wonderful in God's law.
But 32 has been the best so far. (That almost sounds blasphemous! :) One verse being "better" than another.) It just so perfectly expresses what the Lord has been doing in my heart over the last months. "I run in the path of your commands..." Not "walk" or "follow," but RUN -- eagerly, headlong, joyfully pursuing God's Word and His will. "...for you have set my heart free." So much joy wrapped in one phrase! You set my heart free. It certainly wasn't my doing. My sinful heart wants to remain in bondage to sin. But Your Spirit reached down and gave me the capacity to desire freedom from sin. And my heart is free! Free from the dominion of evil, and free to pursue You with reckless abandon. What a marvelous truth! Such a glorious gift! How can I be anything but humbly grateful for the fact that You chose to set me free?! I will ever RUN after your commands!
Psalm 34 was particularly dear to me today. Verse 13 -- "Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile." -- I need that burned into my soul. Verses 17-19 -- "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all."
Lord, I yearn to be what you would have me to be. Give me a heart broken over my sin. Make my spirit contrite and humble before You. Cause me to bow low in anguish, humility, and worship at Your feet. You are holy, while I am filthy. Cleanse me of my sin. Teach me true repentance; give me sorrow over my wretched nature and the things I do that are sinful and disobedient. Make me a meek, humble servant, empty of myself and eager to please You and obey You in EVERY area of my life -- which is not mine anyway, but Yours.
Lord, I yearn to be what you would have me to be. Give me a heart broken over my sin. Make my spirit contrite and humble before You. Cause me to bow low in anguish, humility, and worship at Your feet. You are holy, while I am filthy. Cleanse me of my sin. Teach me true repentance; give me sorrow over my wretched nature and the things I do that are sinful and disobedient. Make me a meek, humble servant, empty of myself and eager to please You and obey You in EVERY area of my life -- which is not mine anyway, but Yours.
"Most of us, and sometimes all of us, believe deep inside that God is satisfied with the level of righteousness we have attained. We think this way, largely because we know other believers whom we consider less righteous than we are. That amounts to trusting in ourselves that we are righteous, and despising others."
~ Paul W. Downey, More Than Spectators
~ Paul W. Downey, More Than Spectators
The Lord wants me single and highly available. I don't know why. My pride wants me to believe I have some great work to perform that can only be accomplished without the burden of husband or family. My self-pity tells me I'm alone because I'm not good enough to be a wife or mother, that I'm such a weak Christian that if I had it I'd just screw it up. But the Lord, He tells me He has a purpose for me, but that I must be completely empty of myself in order for Him to best use me. And that too, helps me in the loneliness. Because when I'm focused on His desires, my own fall into the background and are eventually replaced. Lord, You are the love of my life and the desire of my soul. Turn my heart ever after Your will, and eliminate anything from my life that distracts from Your purpose.
Everything was just WRONG yesterday. At times it seemed everyone was intent on badgering and making demands of me while deep inside me somewhere was a little voice whimpering in pain, exhaustion, and discouragement. Sometimes it's so hard to rely on God's strength. It's there for me; He knows I can accomplish nothing good on my own. But my flesh and my pride want to try -- so they can fail and then whine about their wounds and solicit the pity of others. The fact is, God has given me everything I need to accomplish the purposes He has set for me, but I must rely on His strength and grace to do it -- and THAT is where I constantly fail.
But today, everything is right. I've had three uplifting, challenging, inspiring messages from God's Word from men who seem to treat the Scripture with honesty, humility, and respect. I've enjoyed glimpses into the nature of God through beautiful music that honors Him. I've spent quiet, simple moments in communion and fellowship with my Savior. I even ran into Pastor, and we shared a chuckle over our mutual opinion of last night's speaker. Oh the riches available from God and His Word! They will never be exhausted, and I will never get enough!
But today, everything is right. I've had three uplifting, challenging, inspiring messages from God's Word from men who seem to treat the Scripture with honesty, humility, and respect. I've enjoyed glimpses into the nature of God through beautiful music that honors Him. I've spent quiet, simple moments in communion and fellowship with my Savior. I even ran into Pastor, and we shared a chuckle over our mutual opinion of last night's speaker. Oh the riches available from God and His Word! They will never be exhausted, and I will never get enough!
Help me to turn all my desire toward You and You alone. Give me grace to endure the lonely times, and teach me Your purpose. Fill my heart with love for You. Teach me humility; destroy my pride and help me to die to myself that I may live wholly and completely for You. You have blessed me in SO MANY ways; give me a thankful heart. Help me to focus on Your gifts instead of what I perceive as lacks. You have promised to supply all my needs. What I do not have, I do not need -- indeed, I need to not have it. Conform the desires of my heart to Your perfect, loving will, and give me the grace to be content there.
Psalm 73:21-26
"When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Lord, would You hold my hand? I see sweet couples all around me, hands clasped in the reassurance of companionship. They walk side by side, confident in each other's support, knowing that the strength of the one is there for the weakness of the other. Lord, will You be my companion? Would You walk by my side? Would You take my feeble hand in Your own and lead me down Your path? I don't want to go anywhere without You by my side. And my hand can accomplish nothing unless it is firmly placed in Yours. Would You be my strength, my comfort, my guardian, my friend?
Lord, may I hold Your hand?
"When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Lord, would You hold my hand? I see sweet couples all around me, hands clasped in the reassurance of companionship. They walk side by side, confident in each other's support, knowing that the strength of the one is there for the weakness of the other. Lord, will You be my companion? Would You walk by my side? Would You take my feeble hand in Your own and lead me down Your path? I don't want to go anywhere without You by my side. And my hand can accomplish nothing unless it is firmly placed in Yours. Would You be my strength, my comfort, my guardian, my friend?
Lord, may I hold Your hand?
"What would you do in the world without Him in the midst of its temptations and its cares? What would you do in the morning without Him when you wake up and face another day's battle? What would you do at night when you come home tired and weary, if there was no door of fellowship between you and Christ? He will not permit us to face one day without Him, for Jesus never forsakes His own." ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)