The Lord seems to be continually pushing and prodding me. Bible study last night was overwhelming. The lesson was on prayer and ran a little longer than usual. But then, one of the girls stayed afterward just talking and sharing. It was at least 12:30 by the time she left. I was SO tired, but I just couldn't ask her to leave! She is going through SO MUCH heartache and has SO MUCH to bear! Her issues make my own seem so tiny in comparison. I have been richly, abundantly blessed in my life. My gratitude to the Lord knows no limit after last night's conversation.
But today, I am exhausted, not to mention a little overwhelmed and a lot humbled. All at once the Lord seems to be sending me opportunities to share with people, and for them to share with me. What am I that they feel comfortable opening up so much of their hearts to me? It is obviously something the Lord is doing, something He is trying to teach me. Oh Lord, help me to be a vessel You can use.
The Lord is so good to me, truly. I don't deserve such grace, such mercy, such overwhelming love. I am blessed in such a multitude of ways. What might have been a difficult conversation tonight went without a hint of tension. Praise the Lord for His grace to me.
My heart is so full tonight of such a mixture of emotion -- joy, sorrow, hope, weariness, humility, anguish... So many needs, so many hurts! I talked to my coworker this morning about how lately it seems people want to confide in me. He said it's because I'm non-threatening; I don't have a lot of the baggage of family, spouse, kids, that others seem to. I find that idea baffling. Why, when I lack so many of the experiences that they have had to go through, would people see me as a sympathetic confidant? I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming.
Tonight's question was not one of mine, but it was one the answer to which gives me enormous comfort. "Why do Christians have to suffer?" It all comes down to trust in the goodness of God. God is good because He says He is good. He is sovreign. He defines the terms. It's about trusting His statements as truth, even though our understanding of that truth is warped and incomplete because of our fallen, finite nature. How I wish I could explain it adequately and help others to understand it and receive comfort in it. God says our trials are for our ultimate good, and He assures us of His love in spite of how our circumstances make us feel here and now. If we could only get a glimpse of how truly brief our struggles are here in the light of eternity, and cling to the infinite grace that is ours in Christ, those struggles would indeed become a source of joy in that they drive us to cling to His heart.
Some days I am such an Israelite -- moaning and crying for what everyone else has instead of rejoicing in the riches God intends to give me because I am His child. Why is it so hard to rest in His loving plan?! Oh Lord, even in this You intend my good. It is all to mold and shape me into Your image. Give me the courage and strength to fight this longing for the thing You have not ordained to be. Enable me to enjoy the journey, to rejoice in the pain, to praise Your name in all things. All that matters is You.
I need to spend some serious time in prayer. How do people with families manage? It's the one consolation of singleness I never seem to get away from: I have more time to spend with God.
But today is Father's Day, and therefore a day of struggling to get past the ache and the longing to find joy in my Savior and His plans for me. The pain of having no husband to give me children must be something I am willing to give completely to God. "As Elisabeth Elliot reminds us, those unfulfilled longings can become 'material for sacrifice' -- they give us something to offer up to the One who gave up everything for us." ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Singled Out for Him.
But today is Father's Day, and therefore a day of struggling to get past the ache and the longing to find joy in my Savior and His plans for me. The pain of having no husband to give me children must be something I am willing to give completely to God. "As Elisabeth Elliot reminds us, those unfulfilled longings can become 'material for sacrifice' -- they give us something to offer up to the One who gave up everything for us." ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Singled Out for Him.
There is joy available in every moment of every day. If we can search for that joy, find it, and cling to it in the face of all sorrow, it becomes much easier to live victoriously. Cling to joy, because the believer's hope is certain! Nothing that we face here on this earth should be able to rob us of our eternal joy -- indeed, cannot do so unless we allow it. Be to others the very picture of Christ, for He is "in you, the hope of glory." You can be sad, tired, or worn, but never let it alter your joy!
"I love thee, Lord, but with no love of mine,
For I have none to give;
I love thee, Lord; but all the love is thine,
For by thy love I live.
I am as nothing, and rejoice to be
Emptied, and lost, and swallowed up in thee."
~Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening
For I have none to give;
I love thee, Lord; but all the love is thine,
For by thy love I live.
I am as nothing, and rejoice to be
Emptied, and lost, and swallowed up in thee."
~Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening
"Oh, to be emptier, lowlier,
Mean, unnoticed, and unknown,
And to God a vessel holier,
Filled with Christ, and Christ alone!"
~Andrew Murray, Humility
Mean, unnoticed, and unknown,
And to God a vessel holier,
Filled with Christ, and Christ alone!"
~Andrew Murray, Humility
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