Ever have one of those days when it seems like everything you do is the wrong thing, every time you open your mouth something comes out that shouldn't have, every time you turn around you find something you should have done two weeks ago...
*sigh* I'm okay. Just wanting to vent and knowing that venting would mean saying unkind things and not improve my attitude. It's so hard to know what is okay to talk about and ask advice about, and what is just me whining. On the one hand, I can so easily drop into griping and complaining, but on the other hand I really don't know how I'm supposed to deal with some of this stuff. Sometimes I just wish someone would TELL me I'm making a big deal out of nothing, so then I'd KNOW the problem is all mine. And then I think of someone like a lady in my church, who just lost her husband and is going through so much pain and difficulty, and I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking my petty issues are worth constantly chewing on.
Went out to lunch with some of my co-workers today, and we all sat around "discussing" the older folks in our lives (and I'm sure you know exactly the kind of "discussion" I'm talking about). And just ... the longer the conversation went on, the worse I felt. How much of it was really necessary? What were we accomplishing? How do I learn to be gracious with my speech? I mean, if I thought people were sitting around talking about me somewhere like we were talking, I think I'd just crumple. No wonder old people get defensive. Sometimes it must seem to them that we think they can't do anything right anymore.
How can I be helpful instead of harmful? How do I build up instead of tearing down? HOW, when they make the one so easy and the other so difficult? I've been listening to a sermon series from James, and the speaker points out that the cure for the untamable tongue is not to be quiet. Because what comes out of the mouth is evidence of what's in the heart. Being quiet is just hiding the evidence, not fixing the problem. It's the heart that has to change. So what is in my heart that's causing me to speak unkindly? I need to sit down and work through this. I may not be able to change the actions of others, but I can pray the Lord will make me able to respond to them in a way that glorifies Him, is loving and kind, and doesn't focus on myself. Whatever they're doing, if I'm sinning with my tongue or having a bad attitude as a result, there is something wrong in my own heart.
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